Sadness Followed by Peer Pressure Followed by No More Crazy

So I was sitting in my bed last night after I got off Facebook with Semele and after posting the blog and after Klera left my house. I was texting my nerd and talking to one of his buddies, Spank, on Facebook. I realized how sad and pathetic my little life in Logan is. As I was talking to Spank, I started to freak out. I would post exactly what I said, but I accidentally just closed the chat window down and lost it all... Oops. Anyway, it basically went like: "I don't know what I am going to do with myself all weekend." He was like: "Read a really good book." I was like: "I have one of those but I can't read while I am losing my mind over the fact that I am all alone in the world and have no friends." Basically, I got it into my mind that if I were to be left alone for an entire weekend with absolutely no human contact and no one to talk to (besides my roommates who I hate) that I would slowly, but surely, go crazy. Not just pulling out my hair crazy. I mean hallucinating that there are tiny little men all over the place, starting to believe that unicorns and pegasuses (sp?) and talking beavers and Narnia and Middle Earth and fairies all exist and needing to be institutionalized because I have become so disillusioned with the world that I start to eat my own fingers crazy. That seemed like a horrible thing to have happen. As much fun as it would be to believe that all those things existed (with the exception of Middle Earth and tiny men) I did not want to eat my own fingers. So I texted my nerd and started trying to get out of him why he believes that he loves me more than I love him. ( There is no way that he loves me more. You have seen what I have to put up with. I think it's clear who wins in this debate.) He still won't tell me. His response was, "I'll tell you when I see you in person next." I am not a patient person. I am still waiting on the second half of my Valentine's Day present from him and for him to tell me what he thought his friend Spank had meant that one time. These two events happened a few months ago and it is driving me crazy with anticipation. So my response to that was,"should I come home tomorrow?" He sent a very enthusiastic yes. It looked like this: "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I assumed that meant that he was excited. I could be wrong though. I'll draw you a picture later of what I picture that yes looking like in real life along with a picture of a zombie eating my nerd.  Anyway. I gave in to his response and decided to come home today because the thought of going crazy was still fresh in my head and I still wanted to avoid it. I could handle becoming a cannibal if I absolutely had to, but I could not handle eating myself. It would send me into a deeper spiral of going crazy where I would think that I had actually turned into a Zombie somehow and that I was the first Zombie and that it was my duty to turn everyone else into a Zombie as well. I would go around eating people and trying to turn them into the same thing as me so that I would not be the only Zombie in the entire world. (I really hate being alone). Of course, this would not work because in reality I would not be a Zombie and the people that I tried to eat would just die. This would then cause a deeper spiral of insanity. I have no idea what would happen next because my world would collapse around me and anything would be possible, including me becoming a black hole and destroying the entire universe. Trust me when I say that me coming home for the weekend was the best idea for everyone's safety and not just my own. Now that I have possibly lost your respect because of my crazy rant, I am going to go so that I don't make a bigger fool of myself.

I will post the pictures as soon as I can :)

The Shit Hits the Fan

So here is a facebook conversation that my friend and I just had about Douchebag. I left all the typos in for two reasons. 1. I was too lazy to go fix them. 2. I felt like it was more honest this way. I hope you enjoy this. If not, I apologize. I enjoyed it and that's all that matters. I also apologize in advance for the swear words. If you find swear words offensive, don't read this post. Here's the convo:

Me: i'm on

Semele: And off again?

Me: no not off again

still on

Semele: Ok

I texted him.

"I need to talk to you."

He apparently tries to call, then texts me that he tried to call. I said no you didn't. He calls

We talk.

Briefly

He's at a softball game.

He wants to know what I need to talk about.

Me: weird

Semele: I realize in that one horrifying moment that I have absolutely no fucking clue what I need to talk to him about.

I talk him into calling me back after his game, and giving me time to collect my thoughts.

So

I need help.

Collecting thoughts.

That are mine.

Me: hahaha ok

I love you first of all

Semele: I hate me.

But that's besides the point

Me: second of all: lay your thoughts on me and we'll collect them

third of all stop saying that

Semele: Haha you want my drunken hypercardiac thoughts?

Hypercardiac isn't a word btw.

I made it up.

Me: oh Semele

Semele: Because I couldn't describe "My heart rate is dramatically incrased" in a way that made sense in that sentence.

And I"m a little drink.

drunk

But the typo's are not me being drunk.

Those are the shaking hands.

Me: oh Semele I'm sorry

Semele: I'm actually not that drunk.

It's the hypercardiacness making it seem that way.

Ok so

This is what I have so far.

Laying my thoughts out in pages.

I need to talk to you.

About what?

That's a good goddamn question.

So I could pose a question asking if he's ok in our current situation.

But that sounds gay as fuck.

So I could just ask him nicely to be mean to me so I can hate him and then in time forget about him.

But I don't think he'd go for htat.

that*

Or, last thought, I could tell him a psychic told me he's my soulmate.

But that doesn't explain what I need to talk to him about.

Which was a stupid text to send in the first place.

Because the reason why I wanted to talk to him was because I didn't know what to talk to him about.

Which is also quite asinine.

I hope I spelled that right.

Me: yeah you did

Semele: Ok good.

So that's where I'm at.

Me: hmmm... well...

you could tell him that a psychic told you he was your soul mate and then ask him how he feels about it

though that sounds gay too

Semele: It does.

Me: No matter what you say you are going to sound like a pussy

there's no way around it

Semele: No. There is.

Me: ok

how?

Semele: THAT"S WHY YOU"RE HERE>

Me: oh right

because I think with my penis

Semele: No that's not good.

we wouldn't get anything done.

And then you'd have a penis.

Both horrible things to consider.

Because I have the course of one softball game to sober up and figure this out.

Me: so true

Semele: And you have a boyfriend.

Me: But we are supposed to be soul mates Semele

Semele: Would you like me to copy and paste what you've laid out so you can see our progress?

Brooke’s suggestions:
Gayness
Followed by doubt and more gayness

This is bad. I'm about to start laughing hysterically.

Me: hahaha thats a perfect summation

Semele: The giggles are bubbling up.

Me: hmmm...

Semele: And not like cute giggles. Maniacal giggles.

Me: how do we stop them from bubbling

I know!

Semele: PROGESS DAMN IT

WE NEED PROGRESS

Me: it's like a bottle of soda when you accidently shake it then try to open it

you just need to open it very slowly

Semele: Haha no. We're keeping the lid on until progress is made.

Me: ok

we can do that

Semele: Ok os

so

Me: how do we progress

Semele: He's going to call and be like "Ok, so what's up? What do you need to talk to me about?"

I need a response.

Me: ummm... "I need to talk to you about how my life is spiraling out of control."?

Semele: Oh and

While he says this, he'll be completely calm and non-chalant.

Haha no I am not an emo song.

 Me: so true

hmmm...

Semele: I could be honest I guess.

Me: "I need to talk to you about why you are such a douche bag and why you have to be my soul mate even though I hate you."?

Semele: Ok that will be the response if I'm still drunk.

Me: I can accept thar

that*

Semele: Ok so

If I'm sober.

Honesty?

Me: yes

Semele: "I know we're not talking, and that's been going really well. I wasn't even thinking about you anymore. And then... something happened....

Me: what is the honesty?

oh yes go with that

Semele: Ok he'll say, "Ok really? What's that." All non-chalant and calm like.

And I'll say, "I saw... a psychic."

Me: and he'll say "Oh God Semele"

all non chalant and valm

calm*

Semele: No distressed at having to deal with yet another crazy romantic interest.

So I wrote an enhanced version of my sober response.

Me: that too

Semele: Would you like to read it?

Me: ok yes I do

Semele: “I know we’re not talking anymore. Because you’re an ass, and only wanted me for my hot body. And that was going really well. I wasn’t even thinking about you anymore. And then... something happened...”

=]

I just started another glass of wine btw.

3rd one.

Me: I love it more than the first one

Semele: Good.

Me: I envy you right now

Semele: Don't.

Be happy with your current stress free fairly simple life.

Me: I mean the drinking part

I have stress

caused by these headaches

Semele: Again, don't be. I have a feeling this isn't going to end well for me if I can't stop.

Me: which causes more stress

which causes strokes

Semele: This is a prime example of drinking for the wrong reason.

Is there a right reason? One might ask.

Me: Peer pressure by family memberes

members

*

Semele: Why yes, drinking to lower your inhibitions to the point where dancing on a table seems fun, not frightening and demeaning.

Anyway. Back to Douche-Bag.

Me: Or drinking to lower your inhibitions so that you can give your boyfriend an effective blow job

Semele: Only the effective part will be decreased as alcohol consumption increases.

We should draw a graph.

AFTER WE FIX MY FUCKING LOVE LIFE YOU HORRIBLE DISTRACTING PERSON!

Me: hahaha sorry

i had a rasberry stick

i'm a little bit hyper

Semele: I had a cake pop

BAM I WIN.

Ok

Me: Bitch!

Semele: So after he asks what I say...

Me: ok back to douche bag you easily distracted person

Semele: Hello? Drunk?

You? Sober.

Who's the responsibile one here?

I'm guessing hte one who can spell responsible .

Oh shit.

Me: ummm... Klera?

Semele: Where is she?

IS SHE HIDING IN THE SHADOWS/2/

@@?

?!?!

*

Me: no in the closet

Semele: Would you like to coax her out? Hahaha

Me: she's like Jenna from Pretty little Liars

Bitch

Semele: For those blog goers that was a refrence to the time brookie here made out with a 32 year old lesbian.

Me: I'm not posting that

Semele: You'd better.

Me: Make me!

Semele: How can you expect people to want to follow your life if you edit out the funny/interesting 

parts?

Me: ugh

Semele: If I wrote a blog, I'd write about the time I got drunk and peed on a state troopers driveway.

Me: fine i'll post it

hahaha oh Semele

Semele: The empty water bottle holding the liquor ended up in his mailbox.

Me: I should write about the time I called facebook

Semele: Not my brightest night.

Me: or the time I peed on a tree

Semele: Next to a swingset with kids on it?

Me: yup

didn't even know they were there

Semele: So brooke has successfully failed her responsibility test everyone.

Me: How so?

Semele: She's a horrible keeper-on-tracker.

Me: oh hahaha thats

that*

oops

Semele: Ok stop feeding off my drunkness.

Me: I think I have ADD or something

I'm feeding off the Rasberry sticks

Semele: STOP EATING THEM.

Me: Klera won't let me!

Semele: SO SHE IS THERE!

Me: Yes

i said that earlie

earlier*

Semele: Do you guys have skype? This would go better with skype.

No you said she was in a closet.

Me: oh yeah

but I deleted it

she came out

Semele: One of you has to ahve skype.

Me: and was like "Brooke, aaaahhhh, I'm creepy and have no eyes"

she doesn't have her computer with her

Semele: so download it.

Me: it's been destroying my computer

Semele: Ugh fine

Me: but I can try if you want

Semele: Then at least stay on target.

So he says "Ok, what's this mysterious thing that happened to you?

"

Me: ok

and you say

I had a dream that we got married

Semele: Or

Me: In case he doesn't believe in psychics

everyone believes in dreams

Semele: "Something that made me start thinking about you again, and offered me insight into our... situation."

Me: that works too

Semele: Again, I am going to copy and paste your contribution to this conversation.

Brooke’s suggestions: 

Gayness
Followed by doubt and more gayness

If drunk: "I need to talk to you about why you are such a douche bag and why you have to be my soul mate even though I hate you."

Me: then he says and what insight

thanks Semele

Semele: No brooke.

thank you.

Me: you are welcome

I try my hardest

so he asks "What insight" or "What thing exactly?

"

you say...

Semele: I don't know!

Me: hmmm... me neither

what is your insight on this topc

topic*

it can't be that he's your soulmate

or do you really believe that?

Semele: Well for one that his bat shit crazy ex was still treating him like her property.

But I can't very well tell him I know that without bringing up psychics.

Me: Ok good

Hmmm...

say that you had a dream that his batshit crazy ex still treats him like he's her property

Semele: Haha but what if he is my soulmate brooke?

And Klera hiding in the closet

Or corner or wahtever.

Me: ummm... I say fuck soul mates

be with me

Semele: I'm being serious.

Me: Klera says "Then God is like a retarded hippo"

Semele: I know right

No the South Park god.

!

Me: I still say fuck soul mates

they don't really exist

the world is too over populated

there are like five soul mates per person

Semele: Or maybe

No I ahve no idea

Ok so what next.

Me: idk...

do you think that Douchebag is worth it

?

Semele: I DON'T HAVE ANSWERS TO ANY OF THESE CONVERSATIONS!

Me: thats because you are drunk

Semele: No that's why I got drunk.

Me: true and now you are drunk and still can't figure out the answers

and I can't answer them for you because only you can decide

wow I sound like some old wise man who never gives you answers only more questions in the form of riddles

which makes it even more confusing because then you're like what does a bus have to do with this

Semele: Or an idiot

But whatever.

Me: thank you Semele

Semele: My pleasure

I'm going to take a nap and sober up.

Me: Yeah I know it is

ok you do that

and keep me updated on what happens

Semele: Ok I'll give you a look into the future "shit hits the fan."

Me: well that's a given

but I would like to know exactly how it hits the fan

Semele: In an upwards motion?

Me: but what about the fallout?

Semele: Shit all over the walls, furniture, and people in the room?

Me: Klera asks what about the trajectory

Semele: It would depend on how fast the fan was moving.

Me: hahaha which people is it going to land on besides you and Douchebag

Semele: And at what speed (and what amount of shit) the shit hit the fan.

Me: so true

I'll let Klera know

Semele: Well maybe Douchebag's ex. That would be satisfactory.

Me: yes it would

not for her though

because she'd be covered in shit

Semele: Satisfactory =]

Me: hahaha yes

Semele: Good night guys

Me: goodnight Semele

Semele: Tell Klera I said "Don't get brooke too drunk, she' might decide to drag you out of the 

closet."

Me: Klera says "I love you"

Semele: I love you both too.

Niiiggghhhttt!!!

Me: night

sleep tight

don't let the bed bugs bite