Now that I have a baby, all of my decisions need to factor him in. I can't just make a decision to do something without first considering how it will effect Karson. This makes all of my difficult life decisions that much more difficult. My most recent difficult decision: Whether to go back to work or not and where to go if I do.
My Options:
Go back to work. This is split into two subcategories: Beans and Brews or Babies R Us. Pros of B&B: I could work early in the morning or late in the afternoon which would ensure that I have someone to watch Karson. I've worked there for a year now and so I know they will work with my schedule. I applied for the assistant manager though this is only a plus if I get the position. Cons of B&B: Everyone that I have worked with so far has left or plans to leave. Beans doesn't always take very good care of its employees. I would have to continue to drive all the way down to Murray to work. Pros of Babies R Us: It is much closer to my house than Beans. It sounds like they treat their employees better. If I get a discount, then I would be able to get everything that Karson might need. I would be making a definite $7.75 rather than a definite $6.90. Cons of Babies R Us: They are looking to fill their 11-6 or 10-7 shifts which would possibly mean leaving Karson with a stranger or taking him to a day care; I don't trust either of those yet.
Go back to work only on the weekends. This would not work with Beans and Brews. There is no way I could do just weekends there as a supervisor or assistant manager and I do not want to be demoted to a barista. This might work with Babies R Us and maybe I could do weekends and one day during the week. I'll have to ask at my interview today. Con of only working weekends: Not enough money. I need money to continue to pay my bills and to pay for medical bills (having a baby is expensive).
Become a stay at home mom and have Ryan pick up a second job. Pros: I wouldn't be worried that Karson was in the wrong hands. I would be able to focus on school. Cons: I would feel bad that Ryan was doing all of the work. I am not comfortable with Ryan paying for all my bills (we aren't married so he doesn't owe me that). I would never really have help with Karson. I would rarely get to see Ryan.
Now Taking all of that into consideration, most of my options have several cons associated with them. I really have to think about what is best for Ryan, Karson, and myself. For me, I really want to go back to work. I need to be able to get out of the house and do something productive occasionally. It is the only thing that will keep me sane. For Ryan, I don't think he really cares. He was the one who told me to just stay home and he'll get a second job. He also told me to just go to work and take Karson to day care. Most day cares don't take babies under a certain age so that poses a problem. Ryan is no help. For Karson, I really don't know what's best for him. I feel that being with his mom is important but if I'm stressed and unhappy, he will be too. So how do I make a decision that will be best for all of us? This would be a little easier if I knew that Costco could either give Ryan a set schedule or if I got a set schedule, they would work with Ryan to schedule him around that. But they don't or maybe Ryan just doesn't want to. Either way, that makes it harder for me to go back to work. If I knew that Ryan's days off would always be Monday and Friday or that he would always work after three on Wednesday, then I could ask for my schedule to work with his schedule. But his schedule stays relatively the same for a while and then suddenly changes. I never know when he'll work and it even changes as he's working. How am I supposed to go back to work when his schedule is so unreliable? Hell, how is he supposed to get a second job? I'm even more confused as to what to do now than I was before this post. I am open for suggestions from anyone that has them. I don't know how to make this decision.
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