I just had one of the most interesting conversations of my life with my friend Semele*. It was all through texts, so I am able to put it all in here word for word and not fuck it up like I would if it had been a conversation in person. I always forget something when that happens. This is how the conversation went:
Semele: Good Morning.
Me: What's up Semele?!
Semele: A psychic just told me that Douchebag* is my soul mate. =\
Me: Shit. We knew this was going to happen. Can we kill him? Then maybe the universe will change its mind.
Semele: I just don't know what to do. What if I want a different soul mate? Can I switch?
Me: I say yes. It's kinda like when you buy a shirt that you really like and you think is perfect. You take it home and try it on. You look in the mirror and you are horrified. The shirt makes you look like a dirty hobo and you know that if you wear the shirt in public, people will taunt you mercilessly and you'll lose all your friends. So you take it back to the store and exchange it for a top that makes you look like a Greek goddess and can only help to bring more friends/worshippers into your presence.
Semele: Haha I love you so much. So the man I'm looking for is Zeus?
Me: Pretty much. I hear he's available. Hercules had sex with his mom. Wait. That was Oedipus. Damn. We'll just kill Zeus' wife. I'm sure he won't mind.
Semele:Ok. But I'm going to need that spork to do it.
Me: Oh I can totally provide the rusty spork. I've been working on getting it rusty for four years now. It's not really working though. Perhaps using a plastic spork was a bad idea...
At this point Semele decided to call me to tell me just how much she loved me. She also told me that she is at a Coach outlet right now. I was jealous. She told me how much she misses me. I would tell you all of this word for word if I could, but I don't remember exactly what was said. She called me about half an hour ago. I think that's understandable.
*Names have been changed to protect the people involved. Well... She asked me to give her a pseudo name. Douchebag just fit him so well that it didn't make sense to use his real name :)
No comments:
Post a Comment