The first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem. I am taking my first step to recovery and admitting that I have a problem. I am also taking the second step and seeking help.
I bet you are wondering what exactly my problem is. And if you aren't wondering, then pretend you are because I am going to tell you anyway. My problem is that I have a tendency to skip my classes. You may be thinking, "That's not a bad problem." I don't think you understand the severity of my problem. I don't just skip on class every now and then. I don't just skip a few classes a month. I sometimes skip an entire week of classes. I sometimes even get all the way to campus and then talk myself out of going to class. This usually happens if I arrive to school super early. Or if I am running late to school. It's a severe problem.
I'm thinking about starting a support group. Please feel free to join if you have this problem too. Your problem may not be as severe as mine but it is still a problem and you should get some help. I'm here for you. Together we can beat this thing. I have faith in you even though I have no faith in myself. I wish all of you luck with defeating this problem. :D
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Thursday, August 25, 2011
School Boredom
I just started going to a school called SLCC. I transferred here from USU. I did this because I wanted to be closer to my friends and Ryan and I wanted to be able to force myself to do better in school. I didn't realize how bored I would be at school. So far I have one friend that goes here too that I can hang with in between classes. Of course, he has a three hour class right now and I have three more hours until my next class.
The other problem is that my school and work are in Murray when I live in Sandy. That's about a twenty to thirty minute drive. Not too bad, but also not worth driving home when I have six hours between my first and second class. You would think that it would be worth it because it's a whole six hours. You would be wrong.
That's a lot of gas and I don't have the money to do that. Even with my job.
I didn't mind having a six hour gap when I signed up for classes because at the time I thought Ryan and I would be moving into our apartment before school starts. It turns out that we aren't even moving to that apartment and he wants to wait until October. That's fine with me. It just means that between my classes, I'm going to want to tear my hair out and claw out my eyes from lack of things to do.
I would just play on my iPod for the three hours or so that I have to be all alone, but my iPod is dead and I don't really have a way to charge it. Why don't I have a way to charge it? Because my sister hates me and took away her charger and I don't have one of my own. All I can use is my computer and if you are new to my blog, read the post before this one to understand why using my computer is not really a good idea.
So I really only have a few small choices at this point. I can read. (Usually I would love to do this and would curl up with a book for hours and be fine, but lately I have been unable to get in the mood for reading. I'm burnt out.) I can find somewhere to go to hang out that isn't school. (The gas problem still gets in the way here.) I could hang out with Ryan between classes. (This only works if he doesn't have to go to work. Today he works from eleven til five thirty. I had class til 11:15 and have class at five thirty.) Sit on a computer at school. This is what I am doing right now, but these aren't the best computers in the world. Oh well. At least it helps a little to suppress my immense boredom. The sad thing is that I wish I had homework.
It's raining really hard outside right now and the wind is blowing like crazy. I'm glad that I am inside the safety and comfort of this building. (I just reread that sentence and got confused. I hope it makes sense to you. In case it doesn't, let me rephrase. I'm glad that I am inside. I think that makes more sense :) You are welcome for my clarifying that for you.)
Ten more minutes until my friend gets out of class. Possibly twenty minutes left of being alone. At least for a little while. Then back to being alone for almost two hours. :P
I doubt you want to hear me complain anymore. So Goodbye.
The other problem is that my school and work are in Murray when I live in Sandy. That's about a twenty to thirty minute drive. Not too bad, but also not worth driving home when I have six hours between my first and second class. You would think that it would be worth it because it's a whole six hours. You would be wrong.
That's a lot of gas and I don't have the money to do that. Even with my job.
I didn't mind having a six hour gap when I signed up for classes because at the time I thought Ryan and I would be moving into our apartment before school starts. It turns out that we aren't even moving to that apartment and he wants to wait until October. That's fine with me. It just means that between my classes, I'm going to want to tear my hair out and claw out my eyes from lack of things to do.
I would just play on my iPod for the three hours or so that I have to be all alone, but my iPod is dead and I don't really have a way to charge it. Why don't I have a way to charge it? Because my sister hates me and took away her charger and I don't have one of my own. All I can use is my computer and if you are new to my blog, read the post before this one to understand why using my computer is not really a good idea.
So I really only have a few small choices at this point. I can read. (Usually I would love to do this and would curl up with a book for hours and be fine, but lately I have been unable to get in the mood for reading. I'm burnt out.) I can find somewhere to go to hang out that isn't school. (The gas problem still gets in the way here.) I could hang out with Ryan between classes. (This only works if he doesn't have to go to work. Today he works from eleven til five thirty. I had class til 11:15 and have class at five thirty.) Sit on a computer at school. This is what I am doing right now, but these aren't the best computers in the world. Oh well. At least it helps a little to suppress my immense boredom. The sad thing is that I wish I had homework.
It's raining really hard outside right now and the wind is blowing like crazy. I'm glad that I am inside the safety and comfort of this building. (I just reread that sentence and got confused. I hope it makes sense to you. In case it doesn't, let me rephrase. I'm glad that I am inside. I think that makes more sense :) You are welcome for my clarifying that for you.)
Ten more minutes until my friend gets out of class. Possibly twenty minutes left of being alone. At least for a little while. Then back to being alone for almost two hours. :P
I doubt you want to hear me complain anymore. So Goodbye.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
I Hate My Computer
Which is why I have not posted anything in a very long time.
It's loud and slow and I feel like it is going to break at any moment.
I also haven't had much time to post lately. (That is only partially a lie.) In a way I have not had much time. If I don't get a job here very soon though, I will have lots of time. Ryan now has two jobs. Which means that I will be seeing a lot less of him for awhile. So I hope that I get two jobs. Then school will start and I really won't have much time to write on this blog, but I will have lots to blog about and therefore I will make time and my blogs will be epically (sp?) amazing and everyone will love and read them and I will become famous. (I think I may be putting too much pressure on one little blog that has only gotten about seventy hits in its entire lifetime. Poor blog doesn't stand a chance.) The sad thing is that I actually do have a few posts planned out. I just haven't gotten around to doing the work that they require to make them work.
Well... This was really all I had to say for now. I apologize to the few fans that I have out there. I am a huge disappointment. I would feel worse if you guys were actually following me, but seeing as I only have one follower and I know that she doesn't really read my blog, I don't feel too bad.
It's loud and slow and I feel like it is going to break at any moment.
I also haven't had much time to post lately. (That is only partially a lie.) In a way I have not had much time. If I don't get a job here very soon though, I will have lots of time. Ryan now has two jobs. Which means that I will be seeing a lot less of him for awhile. So I hope that I get two jobs. Then school will start and I really won't have much time to write on this blog, but I will have lots to blog about and therefore I will make time and my blogs will be epically (sp?) amazing and everyone will love and read them and I will become famous. (I think I may be putting too much pressure on one little blog that has only gotten about seventy hits in its entire lifetime. Poor blog doesn't stand a chance.) The sad thing is that I actually do have a few posts planned out. I just haven't gotten around to doing the work that they require to make them work.
Well... This was really all I had to say for now. I apologize to the few fans that I have out there. I am a huge disappointment. I would feel worse if you guys were actually following me, but seeing as I only have one follower and I know that she doesn't really read my blog, I don't feel too bad.
Monday, June 20, 2011
First Day Blunder
It has been a long time since my last blog. I apologize for that. I've been so busy with work and Ryan. I like being busy with Ryan. I am no longer busy with work. I am pretty sure I was fired. Let me tell you how my first day went and why I think I was fired.
My first few days didn't really count because we were just remodeling the store. That was the easy part of my job. It was going well. I was bonding with the other employees. Especially the other two Brookes. I kept thinking, "Wow! This job is going to be great!" Then the first day I had to work after the remodel was here. I was so nervous. I spent all my time before going to work getting ready. I put on more make up than usual. I wore a dress that I had bought the day before and matching jewelry. I straightened my hair and put a ribbon in it. I looked so cute. Not to brag about myself. I'll put a picture up at the end of this post. I got to work and was still way nervous. There were already a couple of customers in the store. Luckily they were already being helped so I had time to try to collect myself before having to jump into work.
I have already mentioned how much I hate talking to strangers and how nervous I was for work in my past posts.
It came time for me to actually step up and do my job. A customer came into the store. I walked up to her and with all I could muster I said Hello. It came out in a tiny scared voice that was barely audible. I tried again. It came out a little louder. She said hello back. I asked how she was doing today. She was doing well. "Can I help you find anything?" "No I'm just browsing." "Let me know if I can help you find anything." BAD!!! You never say that to a customer. You ask them more questions. My manager came over and told me that. Next customer comes in. Same thing up until the "just browsing." "Well, are you looking for more tops or bottoms?" BETTER!!! "I'm just looking!" *Cowers in fear* Fail again. Then came the third customer. Same questions. "I just got a promotion at my job, so I'm looking for something professional." SCORE!!! I helped her find two outfits. The total came to a hundred dollars. Only $150 to go to reach my goal of the day. The next hour didn't go too well. It went just like the first few customers. I was sent home an hour early with the words "This is your warning. Next time you come to work, you need to do better or you won't be working here anymore." I went home sad and scared. Picked up Ryan still sad. I went through the rest of the week freaking out about my job and worrying that I would get fired. On Wednesday I got a call from Beans and Brews about an interview. I think I rocked it. I got a call for a second interview that same day. I should find out by tomorrow If I got the job. On Saturday I called Vanity to find out what my schedule was. I am no longer on the schedule. What do you guys think? Do you think that means that I don't have the job anymore? I think it does. Well. I just hope I got the job at Beans and Brews.
Here's the picture I promised you. See how cute I was. And I took this picture at like ten or eleven at night. I looked much cuter earlier that day.
My first few days didn't really count because we were just remodeling the store. That was the easy part of my job. It was going well. I was bonding with the other employees. Especially the other two Brookes. I kept thinking, "Wow! This job is going to be great!" Then the first day I had to work after the remodel was here. I was so nervous. I spent all my time before going to work getting ready. I put on more make up than usual. I wore a dress that I had bought the day before and matching jewelry. I straightened my hair and put a ribbon in it. I looked so cute. Not to brag about myself. I'll put a picture up at the end of this post. I got to work and was still way nervous. There were already a couple of customers in the store. Luckily they were already being helped so I had time to try to collect myself before having to jump into work.
I have already mentioned how much I hate talking to strangers and how nervous I was for work in my past posts.
It came time for me to actually step up and do my job. A customer came into the store. I walked up to her and with all I could muster I said Hello. It came out in a tiny scared voice that was barely audible. I tried again. It came out a little louder. She said hello back. I asked how she was doing today. She was doing well. "Can I help you find anything?" "No I'm just browsing." "Let me know if I can help you find anything." BAD!!! You never say that to a customer. You ask them more questions. My manager came over and told me that. Next customer comes in. Same thing up until the "just browsing." "Well, are you looking for more tops or bottoms?" BETTER!!! "I'm just looking!" *Cowers in fear* Fail again. Then came the third customer. Same questions. "I just got a promotion at my job, so I'm looking for something professional." SCORE!!! I helped her find two outfits. The total came to a hundred dollars. Only $150 to go to reach my goal of the day. The next hour didn't go too well. It went just like the first few customers. I was sent home an hour early with the words "This is your warning. Next time you come to work, you need to do better or you won't be working here anymore." I went home sad and scared. Picked up Ryan still sad. I went through the rest of the week freaking out about my job and worrying that I would get fired. On Wednesday I got a call from Beans and Brews about an interview. I think I rocked it. I got a call for a second interview that same day. I should find out by tomorrow If I got the job. On Saturday I called Vanity to find out what my schedule was. I am no longer on the schedule. What do you guys think? Do you think that means that I don't have the job anymore? I think it does. Well. I just hope I got the job at Beans and Brews.
Here's the picture I promised you. See how cute I was. And I took this picture at like ten or eleven at night. I looked much cuter earlier that day.
UPDATE: I lost that job.... Currently searching for a new one.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Blogs
So when I decided to write a blog, I thought a few things.
1. I would have lots of time to spend on writing it.
2. I would have a lot to talk about.
3. People would enjoy reading what I write.
4. I would soon become really popular.
This is what ended up happening.
1. I came home and ended up with more of a life than I had before. Mostly spending time with my boyfriend.
2. My life isn't all that interesting now that I don't have to worry about taking care of myself.
3. I'm lucky if I get one page view in a day.
4. Same as number 3.
This is a disappointment that I am not sure I can get over. All of my dreams ride on this blog. Ok. So that is an over exaggeration. My dreams and future do not rely on this blog. I plan on being a teacher/writer. The plan to be a writer is being shot down by my fear that I will fail. Yet I keep writing this blog even though I fear I will fail at it too. But how can you fail at a blog? I mean, think about it. A blog is just writing down your thoughts for everyone to read. I guess it fails when people don't read them, but people rarely even listen when I talk, so it's not that big of a deal. Hmmm... Now that I think about it. I will get over the failure of my blog. It's not that big of a failure anyway. Hmmm... I kinda want some coffee but not actual coffee. I want coffee shop coffee. I wish I had more money! Oooo!!! I need to call and make an appointment with my doctor... and with my advisor. I have way too much to do. Well. I guess this is the end of this particular post. Bye.
1. I would have lots of time to spend on writing it.
2. I would have a lot to talk about.
3. People would enjoy reading what I write.
4. I would soon become really popular.
This is what ended up happening.
1. I came home and ended up with more of a life than I had before. Mostly spending time with my boyfriend.
2. My life isn't all that interesting now that I don't have to worry about taking care of myself.
3. I'm lucky if I get one page view in a day.
4. Same as number 3.
This is a disappointment that I am not sure I can get over. All of my dreams ride on this blog. Ok. So that is an over exaggeration. My dreams and future do not rely on this blog. I plan on being a teacher/writer. The plan to be a writer is being shot down by my fear that I will fail. Yet I keep writing this blog even though I fear I will fail at it too. But how can you fail at a blog? I mean, think about it. A blog is just writing down your thoughts for everyone to read. I guess it fails when people don't read them, but people rarely even listen when I talk, so it's not that big of a deal. Hmmm... Now that I think about it. I will get over the failure of my blog. It's not that big of a failure anyway. Hmmm... I kinda want some coffee but not actual coffee. I want coffee shop coffee. I wish I had more money! Oooo!!! I need to call and make an appointment with my doctor... and with my advisor. I have way too much to do. Well. I guess this is the end of this particular post. Bye.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Things I Hate But Should Probably Do Anyway
I've been thinking a lot lately about the things in life that I hate or hate doing. Sadly, those things need to be done. So I thought that I would list them out and list the reasons that I would have to do them. They are listed in no particular order. I thought about listing them from the ones I hate least to the ones I hate most or vice versa, but I couldn't figure out what I hated more or less. So random order it is.
1. Peeing. I think this is probably the one I hate the most. I absolutely hate peeing. I don't know why I hate peeing so much. Perhaps it's the vulnerability of sitting on the toilet with my pants down with no where to run if someone attacked me. That would just be embarrassing. This is how I think of it: I'm afraid that while I am going to the bathroom, someone will bust down the door and kill me. It is one thing to be naked and dead and have the popo come see you and laugh at your nakedness, it is an entirely different thing to be dead on the toilet with only your pants down and have the popo taking pictures and videos of you to post on youtube and facebook so that the whole world can laugh at you. The reason that I have to pee is because I will get kidney stones or bladder infection or burst at the seams if I don't pee. These things do not seem worth it. So I pee even though I hate it, but I hold it for as long as I can.
2. Showering. I think I hate this for the same reasons I hate peeing, but this is where the popo just laugh at your nakedness, so it's nothing like peeing. It just isn't as scary. The reason I need to take showers is to get clean. No one likes a smelly person. I would lose my boyfriend if I didn't shower. I love him too much to lose him. My love of both being clean and my boyfriend overrides my hate of showering.
3. Working. I don't think I have to explain this one. I think most normal people hate working. The reason I need to work is because I need money. Same reason as everyone else.
4. Working out. I don't like physical activity. I don't like sweating. I don't like the pain of working out. Working out is just not a happy thing. I worked out yesterday and I yelled at the machine the whole time, as if it was the machine's fault that I wasn't fit enough to do the work out. The reason that I need to work out is because I need to lose weight. I'm not fat but I still want to lose some weight.
5. Dieting. I've been trying to work out this week. I've already cheated the whole time. I can't be forced to eat certain foods. I have to eat a variety of foods that fill me up otherwise I get cranky. Everyone was commenting on how cranky I was in the first few days. Even Ryan commented on how cranky I was and I was trying to tone it down around him. The reason I should diet is the same as working out.
So far, three out of five of those things are normal. Most people hate doing those things. I can't think of anything else right now, but I will.
1. Peeing. I think this is probably the one I hate the most. I absolutely hate peeing. I don't know why I hate peeing so much. Perhaps it's the vulnerability of sitting on the toilet with my pants down with no where to run if someone attacked me. That would just be embarrassing. This is how I think of it: I'm afraid that while I am going to the bathroom, someone will bust down the door and kill me. It is one thing to be naked and dead and have the popo come see you and laugh at your nakedness, it is an entirely different thing to be dead on the toilet with only your pants down and have the popo taking pictures and videos of you to post on youtube and facebook so that the whole world can laugh at you. The reason that I have to pee is because I will get kidney stones or bladder infection or burst at the seams if I don't pee. These things do not seem worth it. So I pee even though I hate it, but I hold it for as long as I can.
2. Showering. I think I hate this for the same reasons I hate peeing, but this is where the popo just laugh at your nakedness, so it's nothing like peeing. It just isn't as scary. The reason I need to take showers is to get clean. No one likes a smelly person. I would lose my boyfriend if I didn't shower. I love him too much to lose him. My love of both being clean and my boyfriend overrides my hate of showering.
3. Working. I don't think I have to explain this one. I think most normal people hate working. The reason I need to work is because I need money. Same reason as everyone else.
4. Working out. I don't like physical activity. I don't like sweating. I don't like the pain of working out. Working out is just not a happy thing. I worked out yesterday and I yelled at the machine the whole time, as if it was the machine's fault that I wasn't fit enough to do the work out. The reason that I need to work out is because I need to lose weight. I'm not fat but I still want to lose some weight.
5. Dieting. I've been trying to work out this week. I've already cheated the whole time. I can't be forced to eat certain foods. I have to eat a variety of foods that fill me up otherwise I get cranky. Everyone was commenting on how cranky I was in the first few days. Even Ryan commented on how cranky I was and I was trying to tone it down around him. The reason I should diet is the same as working out.
So far, three out of five of those things are normal. Most people hate doing those things. I can't think of anything else right now, but I will.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Bad Idea
I went shopping with one of my friends yesterday, even though I had no money. (So far you are probably thinking, "Nothing unusual there." You would be correct. It isn't unusual to go window shopping.) The great idea that I had before leaving to go shopping was to put on some heels. I chose the heels that I chose because they are comfortable. They are more like sporty heels than classy heels. I wore no socks with these heels, not even the socks that are made to be worn with heels. This was one of the worst ideas I've had in a long time. Walking in those heels for an hour and a half, my feet started to hurt. I ignored it because I figured that a little pain was just fine. I put up with the pain for a few more minutes until I could get into my car. Sadly, even though being in my car meant I could take my shoes off, I still had to drive. Luckily I only had to drive about a mile to pick up Ryan. Every push of the pedal sent shock waves up my legs. My feet were in so much pain. As soon as I got to where Ryan was, I moved from the driver's seat into the passenger's seat while I waited for Ryan to come outside. I took this time to really look at my feet. I have never seen my feet so battered. The backs of my feet were cut up. My toes were blistered. One toe had a burst blister. I tried not to cry. The pain was and still is excruciating. Little shock waves of pain keep shooting up my legs from my feet. Sitting still hurts. Standing up hurts worse. Every step I take makes me want to curl up and cry. The pain is ridiculous. If you have ever had a foot injury than you know what I am going through. I want to chop my feet off. I wish I had lortab right now. That shit is amazing. It makes you feel so loopy that the pain doesn't even matter anymore. I still technically have lortab, I guess, but it's expired. :( No fair! Well, I need to try to take care of my feet. Bye.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Working
So, I applied for some jobs when I came home for the summer. I did this last summer too and never found anything. It was very sad :( It worked out this time though :) I got a call to come in for a job interview last Thursday. On Saturday, they called me to tell me I got the job. I had my first day today.
Now, you should already know that I don't really like to talk to strangers, if you have read my earlier blog posts. Well, my new job entails that I talk to lots of people. I work at a clothing store. I have worked at a clothing store before, but it was an outlet store and they didn't expect us to actually go up to people and sell things to them. My new job wants me to go up to people that walk into the store, make them feel comfortable, find out what they are looking for, and sell things to them. My manager said, "Once you get them in the dressing room, keep them naked." Meaning that you keep on bringing them clothes to try on before they get the chance to leave the dressing room. I may not be able to do this job. So on the way to work today, I started freaking out. In fact, I threw up before I left for work. I was so nervous.
I got to work and was sent to the bank to bring in a direct deposit form. I got back and we filled out paperwork for about an hour or so. After the paperwork was done, I thought that we were going to have to try to sell things to people. I started to get nervous again. I was in for a big surprise. They had us try on jeans. That is what we did for half an hour or so. When we finished with that, we clocked out. That was my first day at work.
My job is weird though. I don't work again until Sunday and I work from six until midnight tearing apart the store. Then the store will be closed for two weeks. So basically, I have a job but I can't work for another two weeks... I need money. Oh well. I think that I will like this job, but I am still scared. I hope this all works out. I also kind of hope that I can get a second job, because I really need money. My mom wants me to take out a loan so that I can get a new car. Or a new used car. She wants me to have a car that I don't have to worry about. We worry about my car a lot.
I will keep you updated on how my job goes when I actually get to work. I have a slightly bad feeling about it, but maybe it will help me become more social and less afraid of rapists. We can only hope.
Now, you should already know that I don't really like to talk to strangers, if you have read my earlier blog posts. Well, my new job entails that I talk to lots of people. I work at a clothing store. I have worked at a clothing store before, but it was an outlet store and they didn't expect us to actually go up to people and sell things to them. My new job wants me to go up to people that walk into the store, make them feel comfortable, find out what they are looking for, and sell things to them. My manager said, "Once you get them in the dressing room, keep them naked." Meaning that you keep on bringing them clothes to try on before they get the chance to leave the dressing room. I may not be able to do this job. So on the way to work today, I started freaking out. In fact, I threw up before I left for work. I was so nervous.
I got to work and was sent to the bank to bring in a direct deposit form. I got back and we filled out paperwork for about an hour or so. After the paperwork was done, I thought that we were going to have to try to sell things to people. I started to get nervous again. I was in for a big surprise. They had us try on jeans. That is what we did for half an hour or so. When we finished with that, we clocked out. That was my first day at work.
My job is weird though. I don't work again until Sunday and I work from six until midnight tearing apart the store. Then the store will be closed for two weeks. So basically, I have a job but I can't work for another two weeks... I need money. Oh well. I think that I will like this job, but I am still scared. I hope this all works out. I also kind of hope that I can get a second job, because I really need money. My mom wants me to take out a loan so that I can get a new car. Or a new used car. She wants me to have a car that I don't have to worry about. We worry about my car a lot.
I will keep you updated on how my job goes when I actually get to work. I have a slightly bad feeling about it, but maybe it will help me become more social and less afraid of rapists. We can only hope.
Monday, May 9, 2011
More Reasons Why I Should Not Be Allowed to Drive
So I drive a lot and while I drive, I think. We all know this. If you are new to my blog and do not know this, read this first. Also, if you are new to this blog, you may want to read this. These two posts will fill you in on what you are about to read since this is a continuation of the second post I link you to.
I was driving the other day (yesterday, I think.) and I was getting really distracted. I suddenly realized that one of the reasons that I shouldn't be allowed to drive is because I can't concentrate long enough on the road to be an effective driver. I get distracted by a great deal of things. Looking in my rearview mirrors, thinking, zoning out on the patch of pavement in front of me,texting, the construction guy holding the sign at an empty road to my right, Ryan not talking to me, a bird that flies across the sky, a cat walking on the sidewalk, and much more. Driving becomes difficult when you would much rather look at everything that you drive past and memorize every detail of that thing. Cars driving on the road with you become a thing of dreams. They don't really exist and all that matters is that the one cloud in the sky looks a lot like a unicorn. Distractions are everywhere and my mind leeches onto every single one of them.
Ryan is scared. Every time he gets in my car, he buckles his seat belt. This is normal for anyone getting in a car. What is not normal is that as he buckles his seatbelt, he thinks, "Just in case Brooke decides to kill us today." I know this because he said it out loud when he buckled his seat belt today. It made me sad. I don't think I am that bad of a driver. Yet every time I start to vear slightly toward the curb or another car or into another lane, he freaks out and starts yelling at me. I know what I was doing and we were not going to die. I veared on purpose. (I tell him and myself this every time). Today, I was backing out of a parking spot and I hit one of the metal doors that hides the big dumpsters. Ryan flipped. He was like "Now there's a huge dent in the back of your car." I have hit inanimate objects before. I do it quite often. The first day that my mom let me drive to school after I got my license, I hit the street sign on the other side of the street from our driveway. When I took my sister to her driving test, I hit a gate. When I was parking in the snow, I hit a pole. Those three did the most damage to my mom's car. With my car, I have tapped a pole while parking. It did no damage. And I have hit the garbage door. When we looked at the back of my car, there was one teeny tiny scratch on the little flipper thing on my trunk. It's not like it matters, the paint job on my car was shit to begin with. He freaked out over nothing. Maybe that's another reason I shouldn't drive. I am way to cavalier about things that normal people would freak out about and I freak out about things that normal people would handle in a cavalier and responsible way.
I will probably think of more reasons later, but for now, this is it. :)
I was driving the other day (yesterday, I think.) and I was getting really distracted. I suddenly realized that one of the reasons that I shouldn't be allowed to drive is because I can't concentrate long enough on the road to be an effective driver. I get distracted by a great deal of things. Looking in my rearview mirrors, thinking, zoning out on the patch of pavement in front of me,
Ryan is scared. Every time he gets in my car, he buckles his seat belt. This is normal for anyone getting in a car. What is not normal is that as he buckles his seatbelt, he thinks, "Just in case Brooke decides to kill us today." I know this because he said it out loud when he buckled his seat belt today. It made me sad. I don't think I am that bad of a driver. Yet every time I start to vear slightly toward the curb or another car or into another lane, he freaks out and starts yelling at me. I know what I was doing and we were not going to die. I veared on purpose. (I tell him and myself this every time). Today, I was backing out of a parking spot and I hit one of the metal doors that hides the big dumpsters. Ryan flipped. He was like "Now there's a huge dent in the back of your car." I have hit inanimate objects before. I do it quite often. The first day that my mom let me drive to school after I got my license, I hit the street sign on the other side of the street from our driveway. When I took my sister to her driving test, I hit a gate. When I was parking in the snow, I hit a pole. Those three did the most damage to my mom's car. With my car, I have tapped a pole while parking. It did no damage. And I have hit the garbage door. When we looked at the back of my car, there was one teeny tiny scratch on the little flipper thing on my trunk. It's not like it matters, the paint job on my car was shit to begin with. He freaked out over nothing. Maybe that's another reason I shouldn't drive. I am way to cavalier about things that normal people would freak out about and I freak out about things that normal people would handle in a cavalier and responsible way.
I will probably think of more reasons later, but for now, this is it. :)
Friday, May 6, 2011
Bored
I am sitting in my bed at eleven o'clock on a Friday night all alone with no one to talk to or anything like that. I know what you must be thinking. "It's eleven o'clock, that's pretty late. You might be sitting in your bed by now anyway." Well. That is not the case. I could be sitting at my friend's house (apartment) and talking to her. Instead, I just spent two hours watching Grey's Anatomy and Supernatural all by myself while trying to find people to talk to but no one is online and now that I am downstairs in my bedroom [actually my sister's bedroom but she is in Seattle right now so I get it!!! >:D (Evil smile)] I don't have any cell phone service so no one can even text me to keep me from being bored so I am forced to write a blog post. I had no choice. Sorry that that one sentence was so long. I got a little carried away.
So this post is going to be pretty random and go basically nowhere, but please try to bear with me.
My car is doing mean things still. It has decided to start leaking. I have no idea what it is leaking. People tell me that it is radiator fluid. Gregg tells me that radiation fluid is just antifreeze. I don't care what it is, I just want it to stop. My car is out to get me. I feel like that isn't very fair since I do my best to take care of it. I do a horrible job, but I try.
A lot of people keep telling me that I need therapy. I don't know how I feel about this. I have problems but everyone does. I was planning on trying to see a counselor about my problems with school and such but I didn't think I NEEDED therapy. Apparently I do. One person told me this after reading this blog. He thinks that I need help overcoming my paranoia and anxiety. One of my best friends thinks that I need some major help with dealing with the events of my childhood so that I can have a normal view on relationships and intimacy. One of my other best friends is in therapy and thinks that it could benefit everyone in the world. Another of my best friends was joking when she told me I needed it, but doesn't think it would hurt to go talk to a professional just to vent every now and then. My Big (Sorority Big Sister) thinks that I am perfectly fine the way that I am and that all the "haters" can justfuck off. My boyfriend doesn't think anything is seriously wrong with me and just posed the question back at me. "Do you think you need it?"
Speaking of my boyfriend. I decided I don't want to call him My Nerd. That is kinda mean and he isn't that big of a nerd and I love him so I don't want to upset him in case he ever actually reads this thing. So I need a new name for him. I thought about just calling him Boyfriend but I don't want to look like I am copying anyone. I guess I could just call him Ryan since that is his name. I guess it's settled. For now I will just call him Ryan.
My cat is trying to get into my room by clawing at the carpet under my door. He is not succeeding but I feel he will keep trying it periodically until he succeeds at getting past the giant door that is keeping him from a blissful sleep across my throat. He loves sleeping on throats. It's ridiculous.
I am so sorry for the randomness of this post. I have already jumped through four topics. My transitions suck too. I apologize.
I got an email today telling me that I am officially no longer a student at Utah State University. Thank God. (If I even believe in the big man. He's like Santa. I can't be sure.) I am so glad to no longer be going there. I was sick of being in Logan. It's such a weird small town but not small because there is a college there but small when the students are gone. I don't even know how to handle it.
Anyway, I am kind of getting tired, so I should probably go to bed. I should also probably hope that people only kind of read this FAIL of a post.
So this post is going to be pretty random and go basically nowhere, but please try to bear with me.
My car is doing mean things still. It has decided to start leaking. I have no idea what it is leaking. People tell me that it is radiator fluid. Gregg tells me that radiation fluid is just antifreeze. I don't care what it is, I just want it to stop. My car is out to get me. I feel like that isn't very fair since I do my best to take care of it. I do a horrible job, but I try.
A lot of people keep telling me that I need therapy. I don't know how I feel about this. I have problems but everyone does. I was planning on trying to see a counselor about my problems with school and such but I didn't think I NEEDED therapy. Apparently I do. One person told me this after reading this blog. He thinks that I need help overcoming my paranoia and anxiety. One of my best friends thinks that I need some major help with dealing with the events of my childhood so that I can have a normal view on relationships and intimacy. One of my other best friends is in therapy and thinks that it could benefit everyone in the world. Another of my best friends was joking when she told me I needed it, but doesn't think it would hurt to go talk to a professional just to vent every now and then. My Big (Sorority Big Sister) thinks that I am perfectly fine the way that I am and that all the "haters" can just
Speaking of my boyfriend. I decided I don't want to call him My Nerd. That is kinda mean and he isn't that big of a nerd and I love him so I don't want to upset him in case he ever actually reads this thing. So I need a new name for him. I thought about just calling him Boyfriend but I don't want to look like I am copying anyone. I guess I could just call him Ryan since that is his name. I guess it's settled. For now I will just call him Ryan.
My cat is trying to get into my room by clawing at the carpet under my door. He is not succeeding but I feel he will keep trying it periodically until he succeeds at getting past the giant door that is keeping him from a blissful sleep across my throat. He loves sleeping on throats. It's ridiculous.
I am so sorry for the randomness of this post. I have already jumped through four topics. My transitions suck too. I apologize.
I got an email today telling me that I am officially no longer a student at Utah State University. Thank God. (If I even believe in the big man. He's like Santa. I can't be sure.) I am so glad to no longer be going there. I was sick of being in Logan. It's such a weird small town but not small because there is a college there but small when the students are gone. I don't even know how to handle it.
Anyway, I am kind of getting tired, so I should probably go to bed. I should also probably hope that people only kind of read this FAIL of a post.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
Why I Should Not Own a Car or Be Allowed to Drive
I decided that it was a good idea to drive back to Salt Lake from Logan tonight at about 9 PM. I don't know why I thought this was the best idea ever since I am paranoid even during the day.
Do you remember that service engine light that came on in my car on my way back to Logan yesterday? Well it was still there tonight. This was enough to make me paranoid, but right after I put some gas in my car, the oil light blinked. Just once. But it was enough to send me into a spiral of paranoia in which I believed I would end up dead before I ever reached my destination.
I immediately called my friend, Gregg. He lives in Logan and he knows all about cars. He didn't answer. Fuck. I kept heading toward the canyon and impending doom. He called me back right before I got to the canyon. He called just in time for me to take a left turn at Wellsville and head to his workplace so that he could give me some oil. I got there in relatively one piece. I was surprised that I was even able to find the place because I had trouble listening when he gave me directions. He gave me the oil quickly because he had to get back to work. I was left to the task of putting the oil in my car. I had watched him do this enough times that I knew what to do. I went back to my car, opened the hood and reached out to open the oil cap. I am a weak little girl. I spent five minutes twisting and turning that cap in different directions. It would not come off. I called Gregg again and apologized vehemently. He came out, ran to my car, touched the cap and it came off in his hands. I was in such shock that I was forced to yell out my thank you to his quickly retreating back. I put the oil in my car and went on my way. My hands smelled awful. (I think I will try to draw a picture to show you Gregg's magical powers.)
As soon as I was back on the road, the service engine light turned off. I was so relieved. I started to think about what would happen if a cop pulled me over for texting. (I think about getting pulled over a lot). Anyway. I was cruising along perfectly happy about having temporarily fixed my car. I was suddenly struck with fear. My tires are going to blow out while I am driving and I will DIE. I started to panic. Hyperventilating included. I could see it happening. I pictured the entire scene. I knew that I was going to die and I was only thirty miles away from my exit and home. I would never make it. I might as well give up now.
I realize that this is very irrational. My tires are fine. There is nothing wrong with my tires. There were just bumps in the road that made my car bob like that. But I do not think rationally while I am driving.
I finally made it to my exit. I had to stop at the light. When the light finally turned green, I hit the gas. My car hesitated for a second. The service engine light came back on.
Do you remember that service engine light that came on in my car on my way back to Logan yesterday? Well it was still there tonight. This was enough to make me paranoid, but right after I put some gas in my car, the oil light blinked. Just once. But it was enough to send me into a spiral of paranoia in which I believed I would end up dead before I ever reached my destination.
I immediately called my friend, Gregg. He lives in Logan and he knows all about cars. He didn't answer. Fuck. I kept heading toward the canyon and impending doom. He called me back right before I got to the canyon. He called just in time for me to take a left turn at Wellsville and head to his workplace so that he could give me some oil. I got there in relatively one piece. I was surprised that I was even able to find the place because I had trouble listening when he gave me directions. He gave me the oil quickly because he had to get back to work. I was left to the task of putting the oil in my car. I had watched him do this enough times that I knew what to do. I went back to my car, opened the hood and reached out to open the oil cap. I am a weak little girl. I spent five minutes twisting and turning that cap in different directions. It would not come off. I called Gregg again and apologized vehemently. He came out, ran to my car, touched the cap and it came off in his hands. I was in such shock that I was forced to yell out my thank you to his quickly retreating back. I put the oil in my car and went on my way. My hands smelled awful. (I think I will try to draw a picture to show you Gregg's magical powers.)
As soon as I was back on the road, the service engine light turned off. I was so relieved. I started to think about what would happen if a cop pulled me over for texting. (I think about getting pulled over a lot). Anyway. I was cruising along perfectly happy about having temporarily fixed my car. I was suddenly struck with fear. My tires are going to blow out while I am driving and I will DIE. I started to panic. Hyperventilating included. I could see it happening. I pictured the entire scene. I knew that I was going to die and I was only thirty miles away from my exit and home. I would never make it. I might as well give up now.
I realize that this is very irrational. My tires are fine. There is nothing wrong with my tires. There were just bumps in the road that made my car bob like that. But I do not think rationally while I am driving.
I finally made it to my exit. I had to stop at the light. When the light finally turned green, I hit the gas. My car hesitated for a second. The service engine light came back on.
Dreams?
I had a dream last night. In fact, I have dreams most nights. But this particular dream left me very confused.
Dream:
I was at the mall with my family. So far totally normal. I don't know where my sisters were at the beginning of this dream, but who really cares. I was at one of the food places with my mom trying to figure out what we wanted to eat. Apparently this was our favorite food place to go to. They had quite a variety, mostly hot dog products. (It might have been trying to be Weinerschnitzel. I've never been there in real life.) We knew there menu very thoroughly but we we were having difficulty deciding what we wanted. My mom wasn't sure if she wanted pizza or something else. She was really craving tacos though. I was having trouble deciding between chicken tenders, mini corn dogs, and a giant pig in a blanket. I do not understand why I was having trouble making this decision. It is a very obvious answer: Giant Pig in a Blanket. Duh! First of all, I don't even like corn dogs. In fact, I absolutely hate them. I don't know why. When I had to eat them as a kid, I would tear off the breading and give it to my sister because she liked it. Second of all, you can get chicken tenders any time you want anywhere. These were not particularly good looking or special chicken tenders and they were definitely NOT shaped like dinosaurs. That would have changed everything. Third of all, I haven't had a pig in a blanket since I was a very little child. And they were the mini kind. Who would ever turn down a GIANT Pig in a Blanket? What was dream me thinking?!
My mom really wants a taco so she finally asks the lady if they have them even though she knows that they do not. The lady (who is actually more like a girl. She's probably only 19.) tells my mom that they do not have them but that Taco Time just two windows down does. My mom says "Fuck Taco Time." Actually, she says "I don't like it." and almost starts to cry. My mom does not cry in public. Ever! Anyway. The girl-lady leans in super close to my mom and tells her that they actually do make tacos. They started doing this a few months ago because they get a lot of customers that come in really late all high and they don't understand that a hot dog place does not serve tacos and that the taco place is closed, so no they cannot have one. (I don't know why apparently all stoners just want tacos, but it made perfect sense.) She told my mom that they would make her one.
This is when I walked away from my mom to go find my sister. When I finally found her, she looked like herself mixed with my friend that has super long hair. I thought this was perfectly acceptable. For some reason she decided to shave her hair. My mom freaked out. "ALL OF IT?!" No mom, she is just using an elevctric shaver as scissors and is only cutting her hair to choulders. No really. This is exactly what she did. Then I went missing for awhile I guess because when I found my mom and sister, my mom was freaking out about how her hair was lopsided. I couldn't tell. My sister had her hair in a weird ponytail. I was confused. Then I looked closely and all of a sudden it was obvious. One side of her hair still went down to her boobs, the other side only to her shoulder. So she took her hair out of the ponytail so that I could do that pulling her hair in my hands thing to see if it really was off. I kept coming to the conclusion that her hair really was lopsided. But I was doing that thing where one hand is following slower. My sister pointed this out. So I fixed it out. Her hair was perfectly fine. She hadn't even gotten it cut.
Then we sat down to eat. Both my sisters and my mom had their food. I still had nothing. They all had pasta for some reason. What happened to my mom's taco? In the dream I totally thought that the noodles on my mom's plate was a taco. I told my mom that I still hadn't gotten anything. She said that she would take me somewhere else because the things I wanted were better at this other place. Then I started to cry and tell her that I was so hungry and it wasn't fair that I couldn't eat and they all got to stuff their faces now. So my sister looked me square in the eye and swirled her entire plate of pasta onto her fork and put it in her mouth. "There! I'm done." My mom and other sister did the exact same thing. Now I felt bad. I eat slow and now I was going to feel the need to stuff the whole thing in my mouth when I got my food so that they wouldn't have to wait for me. Then I would choke and die and they would be sorry for putting this kind of pressure on me.
That is where the dream ended. I woke up because I had the extreme need to pee. I never did go to the bathroom last night after that post. Anyway. That is my dream.
Dream:
I was at the mall with my family. So far totally normal. I don't know where my sisters were at the beginning of this dream, but who really cares. I was at one of the food places with my mom trying to figure out what we wanted to eat. Apparently this was our favorite food place to go to. They had quite a variety, mostly hot dog products. (It might have been trying to be Weinerschnitzel. I've never been there in real life.) We knew there menu very thoroughly but we we were having difficulty deciding what we wanted. My mom wasn't sure if she wanted pizza or something else. She was really craving tacos though. I was having trouble deciding between chicken tenders, mini corn dogs, and a giant pig in a blanket. I do not understand why I was having trouble making this decision. It is a very obvious answer: Giant Pig in a Blanket. Duh! First of all, I don't even like corn dogs. In fact, I absolutely hate them. I don't know why. When I had to eat them as a kid, I would tear off the breading and give it to my sister because she liked it. Second of all, you can get chicken tenders any time you want anywhere. These were not particularly good looking or special chicken tenders and they were definitely NOT shaped like dinosaurs. That would have changed everything. Third of all, I haven't had a pig in a blanket since I was a very little child. And they were the mini kind. Who would ever turn down a GIANT Pig in a Blanket? What was dream me thinking?!
My mom really wants a taco so she finally asks the lady if they have them even though she knows that they do not. The lady (who is actually more like a girl. She's probably only 19.) tells my mom that they do not have them but that Taco Time just two windows down does. My mom says "Fuck Taco Time." Actually, she says "I don't like it." and almost starts to cry. My mom does not cry in public. Ever! Anyway. The girl-lady leans in super close to my mom and tells her that they actually do make tacos. They started doing this a few months ago because they get a lot of customers that come in really late all high and they don't understand that a hot dog place does not serve tacos and that the taco place is closed, so no they cannot have one. (I don't know why apparently all stoners just want tacos, but it made perfect sense.) She told my mom that they would make her one.
This is when I walked away from my mom to go find my sister. When I finally found her, she looked like herself mixed with my friend that has super long hair. I thought this was perfectly acceptable. For some reason she decided to shave her hair. My mom freaked out. "ALL OF IT?!" No mom, she is just using an elevctric shaver as scissors and is only cutting her hair to choulders. No really. This is exactly what she did. Then I went missing for awhile I guess because when I found my mom and sister, my mom was freaking out about how her hair was lopsided. I couldn't tell. My sister had her hair in a weird ponytail. I was confused. Then I looked closely and all of a sudden it was obvious. One side of her hair still went down to her boobs, the other side only to her shoulder. So she took her hair out of the ponytail so that I could do that pulling her hair in my hands thing to see if it really was off. I kept coming to the conclusion that her hair really was lopsided. But I was doing that thing where one hand is following slower. My sister pointed this out. So I fixed it out. Her hair was perfectly fine. She hadn't even gotten it cut.
Then we sat down to eat. Both my sisters and my mom had their food. I still had nothing. They all had pasta for some reason. What happened to my mom's taco? In the dream I totally thought that the noodles on my mom's plate was a taco. I told my mom that I still hadn't gotten anything. She said that she would take me somewhere else because the things I wanted were better at this other place. Then I started to cry and tell her that I was so hungry and it wasn't fair that I couldn't eat and they all got to stuff their faces now. So my sister looked me square in the eye and swirled her entire plate of pasta onto her fork and put it in her mouth. "There! I'm done." My mom and other sister did the exact same thing. Now I felt bad. I eat slow and now I was going to feel the need to stuff the whole thing in my mouth when I got my food so that they wouldn't have to wait for me. Then I would choke and die and they would be sorry for putting this kind of pressure on me.
That is where the dream ended. I woke up because I had the extreme need to pee. I never did go to the bathroom last night after that post. Anyway. That is my dream.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Social Awkwardness
I have recently come to the conclusion that I am socially awkward. And not just socially awkward, but pretty much socially inept. I just spent the past hour standing outside in the cold with my roommates and a bunch of people that I don't know. I said the total of maybe four sentences. One of them being, "Oops. That wasn't supposed to happen" when I dropped my bottle cap. I pretty much said this to myself, but one of the male-folk there picked up my cap and so assumed that I was talking to him. This did not start a conversation between us. He handed me my cap and promptly looked the other way to talk to someone else. I must radiate social ineptness.
The reason that I was out there in the first place is because they promised me food. Anyone who knows me can tell you that the best way to get me to go somewhere is to promise me that free food will be involved. I was not disappointed. They really did provide the food that they had promised me. Including these hybrid oreos that are part vanilla and part chocolate. I immediately wondered if the oreo was ridiculed in school for being so half and half like that. (I figure it would be the equivalent of having a classmate who is half orange and half purple split right down the middle. The ridicule would never stop.) I thought about saying this out loud. I immediately stopped myself. I tried to picture what would happen if I said this out loud to my peers. It wasn't pretty. The world collapsed around me and everything I held dear was destroyed. I didn't tell them what I was thinking about the oreo.
I found myself stuck even when I was done eating. I couldn't just leave. I couldn't make up some lame excuse about having to study in order to extract myself from this situation. No. I had to stay where I was and wait for everyone else to decide to come inside.
An hour later, my extremities were frozen. (I think extremities is the right word). I was done with the bottle of water I had consumed, I was tired of standing, no one was even bothering to pretend to talk to me anymore, and I kind of had to pee. (I still haven't peed. I hate peeing.) I finally ran for it. I probably looked odd with my flailing limbs, running for my life to the safety of my own house, away from all the strange people that I was determined would kill me then dance around my carcass and then throw me on the grill. I really thought this was going to happen. You would understand if you had been there. It looked like they were preparing for a ritual. They even hid in the carport while they prayed... I think now you understand my fear.
Anyway. Now I am safe in my bedroom typing this post. I think I'm going to end it here though. I need to go look up how to get rid of social awkwardness.
UPDATE: If you relate to this problem, it is a mental illness. Go here. I am looking at it right now. I hope that it can help me cure my illness. If not me, maybe it can cure you.
UPDATE: That website was ridiculous. I don't know how they expect any of that to help. They must be high.
The first thing they tell you to do is force yourself out. They want me to go up to complete strangers and try to talk to them. They want me to say hi to everyone I pass in a grocery store. I CANNOT do this. What do they think is going to happen if I even attempt to do this? I have trouble ordering food without having someone with me that I can look to when my voice fails me. If I have no one with me, the person taking my order better have excellent hearing because I will whisper everything. I don't see how these people expect me to go up to a complete stranger and try to talk to them. If I do that, tiny men are bound to jump out from the shadows and hit me with little pots of gold. Either that or a rapist will jump out of the bushes. They will assume that because I am reaching out and talking to people that it means that I am just asking to be raped by them. This is how most people get in this situation.
The second thing they tell you to do is change your diet. Guess what. I like my food. I am not depressed. I do not need to eat foods that make me less depressed. I am not socially awkward due to depression. I am a happy person. See :D happy!!!
The third thing they tell you to do is to improve your confidence. I don't know how to do this. I had a counselor in middle school that told me to say ten nice things to myself in the mirror every morning. I did just fine. It is not that hard to name ten things. But it's easier to only say one. Improving confidence will not help with talking to strangers that will rape you.
The fourth thing they tell you is to lower stress. Guess what! I have stress but they cause headaches. They do not cause me to be socially awkward. Stress does not make you scared to talk to rapists. Common sense makes you scared to talk to rapists. If you are scared to talk to someone because you think that they are a rapist, you are just being smart. You are not afflicted with a mental illness.
The last thing they tell you to do is see a doctor if all else fails. They don't seem to like doctors. They are prejudiced against doctors and believe that all doctors should be killed. They are terrorists. So do not read the link that I posted. If you did, it is very possible that you are being brainwashed at this very moment. They want you to kill doctors so that when they take over America, there will be no doctors to save us. Trust me, you do not want the doctors to die. So please don't kill them.
The reason that I was out there in the first place is because they promised me food. Anyone who knows me can tell you that the best way to get me to go somewhere is to promise me that free food will be involved. I was not disappointed. They really did provide the food that they had promised me. Including these hybrid oreos that are part vanilla and part chocolate. I immediately wondered if the oreo was ridiculed in school for being so half and half like that. (I figure it would be the equivalent of having a classmate who is half orange and half purple split right down the middle. The ridicule would never stop.) I thought about saying this out loud. I immediately stopped myself. I tried to picture what would happen if I said this out loud to my peers. It wasn't pretty. The world collapsed around me and everything I held dear was destroyed. I didn't tell them what I was thinking about the oreo.
I found myself stuck even when I was done eating. I couldn't just leave. I couldn't make up some lame excuse about having to study in order to extract myself from this situation. No. I had to stay where I was and wait for everyone else to decide to come inside.
An hour later, my extremities were frozen. (I think extremities is the right word). I was done with the bottle of water I had consumed, I was tired of standing, no one was even bothering to pretend to talk to me anymore, and I kind of had to pee. (I still haven't peed. I hate peeing.) I finally ran for it. I probably looked odd with my flailing limbs, running for my life to the safety of my own house, away from all the strange people that I was determined would kill me then dance around my carcass and then throw me on the grill. I really thought this was going to happen. You would understand if you had been there. It looked like they were preparing for a ritual. They even hid in the carport while they prayed... I think now you understand my fear.
Anyway. Now I am safe in my bedroom typing this post. I think I'm going to end it here though. I need to go look up how to get rid of social awkwardness.
UPDATE: If you relate to this problem, it is a mental illness. Go here. I am looking at it right now. I hope that it can help me cure my illness. If not me, maybe it can cure you.
UPDATE: That website was ridiculous. I don't know how they expect any of that to help. They must be high.
The first thing they tell you to do is force yourself out. They want me to go up to complete strangers and try to talk to them. They want me to say hi to everyone I pass in a grocery store. I CANNOT do this. What do they think is going to happen if I even attempt to do this? I have trouble ordering food without having someone with me that I can look to when my voice fails me. If I have no one with me, the person taking my order better have excellent hearing because I will whisper everything. I don't see how these people expect me to go up to a complete stranger and try to talk to them. If I do that, tiny men are bound to jump out from the shadows and hit me with little pots of gold. Either that or a rapist will jump out of the bushes. They will assume that because I am reaching out and talking to people that it means that I am just asking to be raped by them. This is how most people get in this situation.
The second thing they tell you to do is change your diet. Guess what. I like my food. I am not depressed. I do not need to eat foods that make me less depressed. I am not socially awkward due to depression. I am a happy person. See :D happy!!!
The third thing they tell you to do is to improve your confidence. I don't know how to do this. I had a counselor in middle school that told me to say ten nice things to myself in the mirror every morning. I did just fine. It is not that hard to name ten things. But it's easier to only say one. Improving confidence will not help with talking to strangers that will rape you.
The fourth thing they tell you is to lower stress. Guess what! I have stress but they cause headaches. They do not cause me to be socially awkward. Stress does not make you scared to talk to rapists. Common sense makes you scared to talk to rapists. If you are scared to talk to someone because you think that they are a rapist, you are just being smart. You are not afflicted with a mental illness.
The last thing they tell you to do is see a doctor if all else fails. They don't seem to like doctors. They are prejudiced against doctors and believe that all doctors should be killed. They are terrorists. So do not read the link that I posted. If you did, it is very possible that you are being brainwashed at this very moment. They want you to kill doctors so that when they take over America, there will be no doctors to save us. Trust me, you do not want the doctors to die. So please don't kill them.
Driving Thoughts
I was driving back to Logan this morning from Salt Lake. For those that do not know, that is about a two hour drive. I was thinking to myself which is totally normal. At least I wasn't talking to myself which I normally do, but was not doing this morning because it was too early and I had not finished consuming my coffee so my mouth didn't quite know how to work yet. So I was just thinking to myself. Most of the thoughts were unimportant until one particular thought jumped into my head. It was then followed by more random thoughts.
1. The thought to start it all. I was driving on the freeway going about 80. This is not really bad. The speed limit is 65 and 80 is perfectly acceptable. I started thinking about what would happen if a cop pulled me over. I had not yet brushed my teeth and I was drinking coffee. The cop would have come to my window and I would have talked to him with my hand in front of my mouth. The conversation would have sounded like this:
Cop: Why are you covering your mouth? have you been drinking?
Me: No. I just haven't brushed my teeth yet and you are fairly attractive (meaning very hot because I would only get pulled over by a hot cop) and I've been drinking coffee and I don't want to subject you to my horrible breath. It could kill you.
Cop: Why didn't you brush your teeth? That's just weird.
Me: Not really. It's perfectly understandable. Have you ever had coffee right after brushing your teeth? (He would shake his head because we live in Utah and he is most likely Mormon and doesn't drink coffee) Well it is disgusting. It makes your coffee taste odd in a minty but not supposed to be minty sort of way. Plus it would have defeated the purpose of brushing my teeth in the first place. I would have wasted tooth paste which would in turn melt the polar ice caps and then all the polar bears would die. Do you want the polar bears to die? Are you a polar bear killer?
At this point the cop wouldn't know what to say and would just walk away.
2. I drove past a cop that had pulled someone over. I started to slow down when I realized he already had someone so he won't notice me. It's not like they are going to write down my license plate number and then send me a ticket while they are writing someone else a ticket. Then it hit me. WHAT IF THEY CAN?! I started to freak out. I have a billion tickets floating out there on their way to my house. I don't have enough money to pay for these tickets. I may as well just give up now. I'm doomed.
3. Do birds play tag?
4. If it starts snowing, I will kill God. There are two things that I need to say about this. First, you are probably thinking "But it's May. It doesn't snow in May." You'd be wrong. It's Utah. It snows in June. Winter never really ends. It is like a ninja. It waits around until it can jump on unsuspecting victims. Sadly, it only knows how to jump on the people who expect him to come. Second, I am totally going to Hell for saying that I will kill God. When I thought it, I could have just been like, "I was just kidding. I meant to say dog, but my dyslexia got the best of me." I cannot do that now. I have thought it and I have written it down. I am definitely going to hell. There is no way around it.
5. Finally my thoughts had basically stopped. Until this light turned on in my car:
Suddenly, I was terrified that my car was going to break down. I was going to die. I was already in Logan and I was on a street where the speed limit was only 35. I was actually fairly safe, but I found myself thinking about how I had a conversation with my boyfriend a long time ago about my car killing me. But I have that planned for another post. So I will put it up later.
I made it home without dying and then went straight up to campus to take a final. I have one more final to take and then I am done. We'll see how it goes. I should be studying. Bye.
1. The thought to start it all. I was driving on the freeway going about 80. This is not really bad. The speed limit is 65 and 80 is perfectly acceptable. I started thinking about what would happen if a cop pulled me over. I had not yet brushed my teeth and I was drinking coffee. The cop would have come to my window and I would have talked to him with my hand in front of my mouth. The conversation would have sounded like this:
Cop: Why are you covering your mouth? have you been drinking?
Me: No. I just haven't brushed my teeth yet and you are fairly attractive (meaning very hot because I would only get pulled over by a hot cop) and I've been drinking coffee and I don't want to subject you to my horrible breath. It could kill you.
Cop: Why didn't you brush your teeth? That's just weird.
Me: Not really. It's perfectly understandable. Have you ever had coffee right after brushing your teeth? (He would shake his head because we live in Utah and he is most likely Mormon and doesn't drink coffee) Well it is disgusting. It makes your coffee taste odd in a minty but not supposed to be minty sort of way. Plus it would have defeated the purpose of brushing my teeth in the first place. I would have wasted tooth paste which would in turn melt the polar ice caps and then all the polar bears would die. Do you want the polar bears to die? Are you a polar bear killer?
At this point the cop wouldn't know what to say and would just walk away.
2. I drove past a cop that had pulled someone over. I started to slow down when I realized he already had someone so he won't notice me. It's not like they are going to write down my license plate number and then send me a ticket while they are writing someone else a ticket. Then it hit me. WHAT IF THEY CAN?! I started to freak out. I have a billion tickets floating out there on their way to my house. I don't have enough money to pay for these tickets. I may as well just give up now. I'm doomed.
3. Do birds play tag?
4. If it starts snowing, I will kill God. There are two things that I need to say about this. First, you are probably thinking "But it's May. It doesn't snow in May." You'd be wrong. It's Utah. It snows in June. Winter never really ends. It is like a ninja. It waits around until it can jump on unsuspecting victims. Sadly, it only knows how to jump on the people who expect him to come. Second, I am totally going to Hell for saying that I will kill God. When I thought it, I could have just been like, "I was just kidding. I meant to say dog, but my dyslexia got the best of me." I cannot do that now. I have thought it and I have written it down. I am definitely going to hell. There is no way around it.
5. Finally my thoughts had basically stopped. Until this light turned on in my car:
I made it home without dying and then went straight up to campus to take a final. I have one more final to take and then I am done. We'll see how it goes. I should be studying. Bye.
Picture!!!
Picture of My Nerd being eaten by a Zombie
Monday, May 2, 2011
My Will
After spending countless minutes (3 of them) on my Will, this is what I came up with:
MY WILL:
I, Brooke Anderson, leave all belongings to whoever will take them. Except for My Nerd. He is to be buried with me.
I then realized that that sounded incredibly insane.
Here's my revised will.
MY WILL:
I, Brooke Anderson, leave all my belongings to whoever will take them.Except for My Nerd. He is to be buried with me. Except for a box of Girl Scout® Thin Mint cookies, which I would like to be buried with me. Preferably with the box already opened so that I can eat them. I won't be able to figure out how to open the box myself. Keep in mind that I do not at this point own a box of Thin Mint cookies. So someone needs to buy them for me. I leave that particular duty with My Nerd. Thank you.
That Will is much less insane :) I hope that people will follow it to the T when I am dead.
MY WILL:
I, Brooke Anderson, leave all belongings to whoever will take them. Except for My Nerd. He is to be buried with me.
I then realized that that sounded incredibly insane.
Here's my revised will.
MY WILL:
I, Brooke Anderson, leave all my belongings to whoever will take them.
That Will is much less insane :) I hope that people will follow it to the T when I am dead.
The Boredom Increases to the Point Where Death is Unavoidable
I was under the impression that by coming home for the weekend and staying until late Monday night or early Tuesday morning would keep me from being so bored that I started to go crazy. I should have seen the flaws in this plan. I had planned on hanging out with my nerd all weekend and never having to be alone except for a few hours in the morning. I figured I would take those few hours to get my Fiction Writing Project done. Well... That isn't working out.
Flaw #1: My nerd works. He works at a car wash and the weather has been really nice this weekend. Especially today. The sun is shining and there isn't even a hint of chilly wind. This means that he doesn't just work for a couple hours. This means that he works until six or seven o'clock at night.
Flaw # 2: My nerd has parents. And although these parents claim to love me and warn him not to screw things up with me, they are extremely controlling. My nerd is eighteen going on nineteen, but he still lives at home. This means that his parents can still tell him when to come home. Last night we finally got to hang out at six. We went out to dinner and were trying to figure out what we were going to do next. That is when his parents texted him to tell him to come home. We only got to hang out for an hour. At seven I was back at my mom's house wondering what I was going to do.
Flaw #3: I ran out of ideas for my project. For some odd reason, I thought I was going to be able to start working on my project and just keep going until it was done and absolutely perfect. It was pretty to think so. I worked on it for about an hour last night in my boredom after watching Trueblood with my mom and I hit a wall. I ran out of things to correct in my story. Actually, that's a lie. I still have a lot to correct. I couldn't figure out how to fix the rest. I just got stuck... I still don't know how to continue with it. I've been awake for five hours. I have watched four episodes of various hour long shows. I have taken a shower. I have read a page or two worth of posts on Hyperbole and a Half. I have tested myself for ADD. I found out that I am likely to have three different types of ADD, all of them a little scary. I have stared at Facebook. I have stared at my project. I have stared at my job applications. I have talked to my pets.
Flaw #4: Any back-up people that I could hang out with have lives. My sister has school. My mom has work. Most of my friends still have school for another week or work. My other friends are out of town or out of state. I am utterly alone until my sister gets home from school/track practice, until my mom gets off work, possibly until my nerd gets off work.
All of these things are leading to me going crazy. Right now it's just getting close to pulling my hair out crazy, but I think it's getting close to "hallucinating that there are tiny little men all over the place, starting to believe that unicorns and pegasuses and talking beavers and Narnia and Middle Earth and fairies all exist and needing to be institutionalized because I have become so disillusioned with the world that I start to eat my own fingers crazy". I really don't want to hallucinate that there are tiny little men all over the place. Tiny men are scary. Tiny men make me think of Leprechauns. Have you ever seen a Leprechaun? Trust me, you don't want to. They are scary little motherfuckers. They should be avoided at all costs. They will beat you with their gold and it hurts like a bitch.
I need something to do. I am losing my mind to the point where my Facebook status says "So bored that I may start pulling my hair out. I need something to do that doesn't include staring blankly at my Fiction Writing project, writing random things on my blog, reading Hyperbole and a Half, or talking to my pets. If anyone can help me, please let me know. This boredom has to end or I will not live to see tomorrow." I posted this before I started writing this blog. That is just sad.
It just escalated. My friend told me to go for a walk. My response "By myself? What if someone jumps out from behind a bush and rapes me?" I cannot function in this world by myself. I will die if left alone for too long. I even have to remind myself to eat food every now and then so that I don't starve. I reminded myself after it had been two hours since I ate a cup of cottage cheese for breakfast. I ate ten wheat thins. I don't know how to cook.... Oh God. I think I'm going to die. I need to go so that I can prepare my Will in case my life ceases to exist.
Flaw #1: My nerd works. He works at a car wash and the weather has been really nice this weekend. Especially today. The sun is shining and there isn't even a hint of chilly wind. This means that he doesn't just work for a couple hours. This means that he works until six or seven o'clock at night.
Flaw # 2: My nerd has parents. And although these parents claim to love me and warn him not to screw things up with me, they are extremely controlling. My nerd is eighteen going on nineteen, but he still lives at home. This means that his parents can still tell him when to come home. Last night we finally got to hang out at six. We went out to dinner and were trying to figure out what we were going to do next. That is when his parents texted him to tell him to come home. We only got to hang out for an hour. At seven I was back at my mom's house wondering what I was going to do.
Flaw #3: I ran out of ideas for my project. For some odd reason, I thought I was going to be able to start working on my project and just keep going until it was done and absolutely perfect. It was pretty to think so. I worked on it for about an hour last night in my boredom after watching Trueblood with my mom and I hit a wall. I ran out of things to correct in my story. Actually, that's a lie. I still have a lot to correct. I couldn't figure out how to fix the rest. I just got stuck... I still don't know how to continue with it. I've been awake for five hours. I have watched four episodes of various hour long shows. I have taken a shower. I have read a page or two worth of posts on Hyperbole and a Half. I have tested myself for ADD. I found out that I am likely to have three different types of ADD, all of them a little scary. I have stared at Facebook. I have stared at my project. I have stared at my job applications. I have talked to my pets.
Flaw #4: Any back-up people that I could hang out with have lives. My sister has school. My mom has work. Most of my friends still have school for another week or work. My other friends are out of town or out of state. I am utterly alone until my sister gets home from school/track practice, until my mom gets off work, possibly until my nerd gets off work.
All of these things are leading to me going crazy. Right now it's just getting close to pulling my hair out crazy, but I think it's getting close to "hallucinating that there are tiny little men all over the place, starting to believe that unicorns and pegasuses and talking beavers and Narnia and Middle Earth and fairies all exist and needing to be institutionalized because I have become so disillusioned with the world that I start to eat my own fingers crazy". I really don't want to hallucinate that there are tiny little men all over the place. Tiny men are scary. Tiny men make me think of Leprechauns. Have you ever seen a Leprechaun? Trust me, you don't want to. They are scary little motherfuckers. They should be avoided at all costs. They will beat you with their gold and it hurts like a bitch.
I need something to do. I am losing my mind to the point where my Facebook status says "So bored that I may start pulling my hair out. I need something to do that doesn't include staring blankly at my Fiction Writing project, writing random things on my blog, reading Hyperbole and a Half, or talking to my pets. If anyone can help me, please let me know. This boredom has to end or I will not live to see tomorrow." I posted this before I started writing this blog. That is just sad.
It just escalated. My friend told me to go for a walk. My response "By myself? What if someone jumps out from behind a bush and rapes me?" I cannot function in this world by myself. I will die if left alone for too long. I even have to remind myself to eat food every now and then so that I don't starve. I reminded myself after it had been two hours since I ate a cup of cottage cheese for breakfast. I ate ten wheat thins. I don't know how to cook.... Oh God. I think I'm going to die. I need to go so that I can prepare my Will in case my life ceases to exist.
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Sadness Followed by Peer Pressure Followed by No More Crazy
So I was sitting in my bed last night after I got off Facebook with Semele and after posting the blog and after Klera left my house. I was texting my nerd and talking to one of his buddies, Spank, on Facebook. I realized how sad and pathetic my little life in Logan is. As I was talking to Spank, I started to freak out. I would post exactly what I said, but I accidentally just closed the chat window down and lost it all... Oops. Anyway, it basically went like: "I don't know what I am going to do with myself all weekend." He was like: "Read a really good book." I was like: "I have one of those but I can't read while I am losing my mind over the fact that I am all alone in the world and have no friends." Basically, I got it into my mind that if I were to be left alone for an entire weekend with absolutely no human contact and no one to talk to (besides my roommates who I hate) that I would slowly, but surely, go crazy. Not just pulling out my hair crazy. I mean hallucinating that there are tiny little men all over the place, starting to believe that unicorns and pegasuses (sp?) and talking beavers and Narnia and Middle Earth and fairies all exist and needing to be institutionalized because I have become so disillusioned with the world that I start to eat my own fingers crazy. That seemed like a horrible thing to have happen. As much fun as it would be to believe that all those things existed (with the exception of Middle Earth and tiny men) I did not want to eat my own fingers. So I texted my nerd and started trying to get out of him why he believes that he loves me more than I love him. ( There is no way that he loves me more. You have seen what I have to put up with. I think it's clear who wins in this debate.) He still won't tell me. His response was, "I'll tell you when I see you in person next." I am not a patient person. I am still waiting on the second half of my Valentine's Day present from him and for him to tell me what he thought his friend Spank had meant that one time. These two events happened a few months ago and it is driving me crazy with anticipation. So my response to that was,"should I come home tomorrow?" He sent a very enthusiastic yes. It looked like this: "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I assumed that meant that he was excited. I could be wrong though. I'll draw you a picture later of what I picture that yes looking like in real life along with a picture of a zombie eating my nerd. Anyway. I gave in to his response and decided to come home today because the thought of going crazy was still fresh in my head and I still wanted to avoid it. I could handle becoming a cannibal if I absolutely had to, but I could not handle eating myself. It would send me into a deeper spiral of going crazy where I would think that I had actually turned into a Zombie somehow and that I was the first Zombie and that it was my duty to turn everyone else into a Zombie as well. I would go around eating people and trying to turn them into the same thing as me so that I would not be the only Zombie in the entire world. (I really hate being alone). Of course, this would not work because in reality I would not be a Zombie and the people that I tried to eat would just die. This would then cause a deeper spiral of insanity. I have no idea what would happen next because my world would collapse around me and anything would be possible, including me becoming a black hole and destroying the entire universe. Trust me when I say that me coming home for the weekend was the best idea for everyone's safety and not just my own. Now that I have possibly lost your respect because of my crazy rant, I am going to go so that I don't make a bigger fool of myself.
I will post the pictures as soon as I can :)
I will post the pictures as soon as I can :)
Friday, April 29, 2011
The Shit Hits the Fan
So here is a facebook conversation that my friend and I just had about Douchebag. I left all the typos in for two reasons. 1. I was too lazy to go fix them. 2. I felt like it was more honest this way. I hope you enjoy this. If not, I apologize. I enjoyed it and that's all that matters. I also apologize in advance for the swear words. If you find swear words offensive, don't read this post. Here's the convo:
Me: i'm on
Semele: And off again?
Me: no not off again
still on
Semele: Ok
I texted him.
"I need to talk to you."
He apparently tries to call, then texts me that he tried to call. I said no you didn't. He calls
We talk.
Briefly
He's at a softball game.
He wants to know what I need to talk about.
Me: weird
Semele: I realize in that one horrifying moment that I have absolutely no fucking clue what I need to talk to him about.
I talk him into calling me back after his game, and giving me time to collect my thoughts.
So
I need help.
Collecting thoughts.
That are mine.
Me: hahaha ok
I love you first of all
Semele: I hate me.
But that's besides the point
Me: second of all: lay your thoughts on me and we'll collect them
third of all stop saying that
Semele: Haha you want my drunken hypercardiac thoughts?
Hypercardiac isn't a word btw.
I made it up.
Me: oh Semele
Semele: Because I couldn't describe "My heart rate is dramatically incrased" in a way that made sense in that sentence.
And I"m a little drink.
drunk
But the typo's are not me being drunk.
Those are the shaking hands.
Me: oh Semele I'm sorry
Semele: I'm actually not that drunk.
It's the hypercardiacness making it seem that way.
Ok so
This is what I have so far.
Laying my thoughts out in pages.
I need to talk to you.
About what?
That's a good goddamn question.
So I could pose a question asking if he's ok in our current situation.
But that sounds gay as fuck.
So I could just ask him nicely to be mean to me so I can hate him and then in time forget about him.
But I don't think he'd go for htat.
that*
Or, last thought, I could tell him a psychic told me he's my soulmate.
But that doesn't explain what I need to talk to him about.
Which was a stupid text to send in the first place.
Because the reason why I wanted to talk to him was because I didn't know what to talk to him about.
Which is also quite asinine.
I hope I spelled that right.
Me: yeah you did
Semele: Ok good.
So that's where I'm at.
Me: hmmm... well...
you could tell him that a psychic told you he was your soul mate and then ask him how he feels about it
though that sounds gay too
Semele: It does.
Me: No matter what you say you are going to sound like a pussy
there's no way around it
Semele: No. There is.
Me: ok
how?
Semele: THAT"S WHY YOU"RE HERE>
Me: oh right
because I think with my penis
Semele: No that's not good.
we wouldn't get anything done.
And then you'd have a penis.
Both horrible things to consider.
Because I have the course of one softball game to sober up and figure this out.
Me: so true
Semele: And you have a boyfriend.
Me: But we are supposed to be soul mates Semele
Semele: Would you like me to copy and paste what you've laid out so you can see our progress?
Brooke’s suggestions:
Gayness
Followed by doubt and more gayness
Gayness
Followed by doubt and more gayness
This is bad. I'm about to start laughing hysterically.
Me: hahaha thats a perfect summation
Semele: The giggles are bubbling up.
Me: hmmm...
Semele: And not like cute giggles. Maniacal giggles.
Me: how do we stop them from bubbling
I know!
Semele: PROGESS DAMN IT
WE NEED PROGRESS
Me: it's like a bottle of soda when you accidently shake it then try to open it
you just need to open it very slowly
Semele: Haha no. We're keeping the lid on until progress is made.
Me: ok
we can do that
Semele: Ok os
so
Me: how do we progress
Semele: He's going to call and be like "Ok, so what's up? What do you need to talk to me about?"
I need a response.
Me: ummm... "I need to talk to you about how my life is spiraling out of control."?
Semele: Oh and
While he says this, he'll be completely calm and non-chalant.
Haha no I am not an emo song.
Me: so true
hmmm...
Semele: I could be honest I guess.
Me: "I need to talk to you about why you are such a douche bag and why you have to be my soul mate even though I hate you."?
Semele: Ok that will be the response if I'm still drunk.
Me: I can accept thar
that*
Semele: Ok so
If I'm sober.
Honesty?
Me: yes
Semele: "I know we're not talking, and that's been going really well. I wasn't even thinking about you anymore. And then... something happened....
Me: what is the honesty?
oh yes go with that
Semele: Ok he'll say, "Ok really? What's that." All non-chalant and calm like.
And I'll say, "I saw... a psychic."
Me: and he'll say "Oh God Semele"
all non chalant and valm
calm*
Semele: No distressed at having to deal with yet another crazy romantic interest.
So I wrote an enhanced version of my sober response.
Me: that too
Semele: Would you like to read it?
Me: ok yes I do
Semele: “I know we’re not talking anymore. Because you’re an ass, and only wanted me for my hot body. And that was going really well. I wasn’t even thinking about you anymore. And then... something happened...”
=]
I just started another glass of wine btw.
3rd one.
Me: I love it more than the first one
Semele: Good.
Me: I envy you right now
Semele: Don't.
Be happy with your current stress free fairly simple life.
Me: I mean the drinking part
I have stress
caused by these headaches
Semele: Again, don't be. I have a feeling this isn't going to end well for me if I can't stop.
Me: which causes more stress
which causes strokes
Semele: This is a prime example of drinking for the wrong reason.
Is there a right reason? One might ask.
Me: Peer pressure by family memberes
members
*
Semele: Why yes, drinking to lower your inhibitions to the point where dancing on a table seems fun, not frightening and demeaning.
Anyway. Back to Douche-Bag.
Me: Or drinking to lower your inhibitions so that you can give your boyfriend an effective blow job
Semele: Only the effective part will be decreased as alcohol consumption increases.
We should draw a graph.
AFTER WE FIX MY FUCKING LOVE LIFE YOU HORRIBLE DISTRACTING PERSON!
Me: hahaha sorry
i had a rasberry stick
i'm a little bit hyper
Semele: I had a cake pop
BAM I WIN.
Ok
Me: Bitch!
Semele: So after he asks what I say...
Me: ok back to douche bag you easily distracted person
Semele: Hello? Drunk?
You? Sober.
Who's the responsibile one here?
I'm guessing hte one who can spell responsible .
Oh shit.
Me: ummm... Klera?
Semele: Where is she?
IS SHE HIDING IN THE SHADOWS/2/
@@?
?!?!
*
Me: no in the closet
Semele: Would you like to coax her out? Hahaha
Me: she's like Jenna from Pretty little Liars
Bitch
Semele: For those blog goers that was a refrence to the time brookie here made out with a 32 year old lesbian.
Me: I'm not posting that
Semele: You'd better.
Me: Make me!
Semele: How can you expect people to want to follow your life if you edit out the funny/interesting
parts?
Me: ugh
Semele: If I wrote a blog, I'd write about the time I got drunk and peed on a state troopers driveway.
Me: fine i'll post it
hahaha oh Semele
Semele: The empty water bottle holding the liquor ended up in his mailbox.
Me: I should write about the time I called facebook
Semele: Not my brightest night.
Me: or the time I peed on a tree
Semele: Next to a swingset with kids on it?
Me: yup
didn't even know they were there
Semele: So brooke has successfully failed her responsibility test everyone.
Me: How so?
Semele: She's a horrible keeper-on-tracker.
Me: oh hahaha thats
that*
oops
Semele: Ok stop feeding off my drunkness.
Me: I think I have ADD or something
I'm feeding off the Rasberry sticks
Semele: STOP EATING THEM.
Me: Klera won't let me!
Semele: SO SHE IS THERE!
Me: Yes
i said that earlie
earlier*
Semele: Do you guys have skype? This would go better with skype.
No you said she was in a closet.
Me: oh yeah
but I deleted it
she came out
Semele: One of you has to ahve skype.
Me: and was like "Brooke, aaaahhhh, I'm creepy and have no eyes"
she doesn't have her computer with her
Semele: so download it.
Me: it's been destroying my computer
Semele: Ugh fine
Me: but I can try if you want
Semele: Then at least stay on target.
So he says "Ok, what's this mysterious thing that happened to you?
"
Me: ok
and you say
I had a dream that we got married
Semele: Or
Me: In case he doesn't believe in psychics
everyone believes in dreams
Semele: "Something that made me start thinking about you again, and offered me insight into our... situation."
Me: that works too
Semele: Again, I am going to copy and paste your contribution to this conversation.
Brooke’s suggestions:
Gayness
Followed by doubt and more gayness
If drunk: "I need to talk to you about why you are such a douche bag and why you have to be my soul mate even though I hate you."
Followed by doubt and more gayness
If drunk: "I need to talk to you about why you are such a douche bag and why you have to be my soul mate even though I hate you."
Me: then he says and what insight
thanks Semele
Semele: No brooke.
thank you.
Me: you are welcome
I try my hardest
so he asks "What insight" or "What thing exactly?
"
you say...
Semele: I don't know!
Me: hmmm... me neither
what is your insight on this topc
topic*
it can't be that he's your soulmate
or do you really believe that?
Semele: Well for one that his bat shit crazy ex was still treating him like her property.
But I can't very well tell him I know that without bringing up psychics.
Me: Ok good
Hmmm...
say that you had a dream that his batshit crazy ex still treats him like he's her property
Semele: Haha but what if he is my soulmate brooke?
And Klera hiding in the closet
Or corner or wahtever.
Me: ummm... I say fuck soul mates
be with me
Semele: I'm being serious.
Me: Klera says "Then God is like a retarded hippo"
Semele: I know right
No the South Park god.
!
Me: I still say fuck soul mates
they don't really exist
the world is too over populated
there are like five soul mates per person
Semele: Or maybe
No I ahve no idea
Ok so what next.
Me: idk...
do you think that Douchebag is worth it
?
Semele: I DON'T HAVE ANSWERS TO ANY OF THESE CONVERSATIONS!
Me: thats because you are drunk
Semele: No that's why I got drunk.
Me: true and now you are drunk and still can't figure out the answers
and I can't answer them for you because only you can decide
wow I sound like some old wise man who never gives you answers only more questions in the form of riddles
which makes it even more confusing because then you're like what does a bus have to do with this
Semele: Or an idiot
But whatever.
Me: thank you Semele
Semele: My pleasure
I'm going to take a nap and sober up.
Me: Yeah I know it is
ok you do that
and keep me updated on what happens
Semele: Ok I'll give you a look into the future "shit hits the fan."
Me: well that's a given
but I would like to know exactly how it hits the fan
Semele: In an upwards motion?
Me: but what about the fallout?
Semele: Shit all over the walls, furniture, and people in the room?
Me: Klera asks what about the trajectory
Semele: It would depend on how fast the fan was moving.
Me: hahaha which people is it going to land on besides you and Douchebag
Semele: And at what speed (and what amount of shit) the shit hit the fan.
Me: so true
I'll let Klera know
Semele: Well maybe Douchebag's ex. That would be satisfactory.
Me: yes it would
not for her though
because she'd be covered in shit
Semele: Satisfactory =]
Me: hahaha yes
Semele: Good night guys
Me: goodnight Semele
Semele: Tell Klera I said "Don't get brooke too drunk, she' might decide to drag you out of the
closet."
Me: Klera says "I love you"
Semele: I love you both too.
Niiiggghhhttt!!!
Me: night
sleep tight
don't let the bed bugs bite
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